It’s day 15 of my period. Yes, you read that right. It wasn’t a typo. Womb lining has been dripping out of my vagina for 15 days now. This isn’t too uncommon for me, I have weird hormones which mean I can go for a good two months without having a period at all. The downside of this is what I’m experiencing now: two weeks of inconvenience.
However, I was inspired to write this blog post to tell you all the ways it doesn’t have to be an inconvenience! At least not when it comes to sex and sexual contact. As someone with a very high sex drive, there is no way I’d forgo sexual play just because my womb has decided it’s time to be refreshed. In fact, sometimes I find myself hornier than ever whilst I’m on my period. Here’s some of my top tips for enjoying sex despite the crimson tide. I hope they will be helpful for anyone who menstruates.
1. Communicate with Your Sexual Partner(s)!
This is by far, the most important one, both to reassure yourself and to find out how your sexual partner feels. This is particularly important if your partner is male and has never experienced menstruation. You are likely to be worried they will find it gross, or unattractive and will be put off having any sexual contact with you. But the thing is, you don’t KNOW they feel that way without asking them. Just say something like “I’m on period at the mo. Would you be okay having sex or fooling around with me?”. If the answer is an enthusiastic “Yes!” then hurrah! Go for it!
If they are unsure you might need to probe them further. Find out what they are concerned about. Perhaps they’re worried they will hurt you. You can reassure them they won’t. Perhaps they’re worried about mess, I’ve got some suggestions to overcome this in the rest of the post. The most important thing here is that you keep the conversation open, frank and honest. Reassure your partner that there’s no need to be embarrassed talking about periods, and that you’re happy to answer any questions they might have about what it’s like and what to expect during sex (to be honest, none of the men I have had sex with on my period reported noticing any difference during the act itself). Be confident and unapologetic; your body is fantastic and shedding womb lining doesn’t make it any less awesome!
After all this discussion it could still turn out that menstrual blood is a hard limit for them. If it is, respect their boundaries, but you could still suggest sexual play that would mean they do not have to ever come in contact with any womb lining. Read on for ideas how!
2. Get Your Clit Vibes Out!
This one is a must for me while I’m on my period, and can be enjoyed alone or with a partner. If you’re having a rough day and you’re experiencing some severe womb pain (we’ve all had those days when we’ve felt like the womb is pure evil), I highly recommend getting cosy in your bed with your favourite clitoral vibrator. I suggest using a good bullet vibe like the rock’s off ignition or lovehoney magic bullet. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s a good one; something that can reliably bring you to orgasm quickly. A magic wand perhaps.
The reason I’m so keen to suggest this is because an orgasm can actually reduce period pain! It sounds weird, but it really does work. I am a living example, there is no painkiller I can take that relieves the crippling pain like a clitoral orgasm.
When you feel like this you won’t be up for penetration, and perhaps your partner isn’t open to the idea either. However, there is nothing to stop you from cuddling up in bed and letting your partner wield your favourite clit toy. This can be a really romantic act; dim the lights, lite some candles, get cosy and relax into orgasmic joy. You will feel closer for it, and your partner will get the satisfaction of helping to relieve your pain and give you pleasure. It’s a truly loving act.
3. Treat Yourself to Some New Towels!
Okay, so you’ve agreed some full on sexy times are on the cards and you’re up for a full session. Whatever kind of sex is involved, you’ll probably not want to wash your sheets right after. That’s why I recommend getting yourself some period time specific sex towels. Don’t just grab an old towel and think it’ll do. It will do just fine, but it won’t set the mood right. I’d get some luxurious massive fluffy towels that feel lovely on the skin. You’ll enjoy rolling around on them a lot more than that old worn out one you keep at the back of the cupboard. Make sure your new towels are a dark colour. I use a classic black, but you could also play around with the period theme and go for a deep crimson. This way you won’t have to worry about removing stains from them.
Once you’ve got your bed all covered up with it’s lovely towel, you’re ready to go wild. You can enjoy sex any which way you like, safe from the worry of staining the sheets. Once you’re done you can throw the towel in the washing machine and snuggle down into a nice clean bed for your afterglow cuddles. Bliss.
4. Try a Menstrual Cup!
I’ve had a mooncup for many years now and I bloody love it! (No pun intended). I could sing its praises all day, about how it changed how I felt about my period, and took all the stress out of menstruating, but I’m here to talk about sex. If contact with menstrual blood is a hard limit for you or your partner, a menstrual cup is your new best friend!
Unlike tampons, menstrual cups do not absorb all the moisture in your vagina. As such, if you’ve got one in, you can still get fully wet when aroused without there being any blood. Magic, right? It feels so much better and more comfortable. The other great aspect of menstrual cups is they create a seal around the vaginal wall. This means they very rarely leak. I am completely confident in mine, it has never leaked on me in a sexual scenario. Unlike tampons, with a menstrual cup there is no long retrieval string hanging out of your vagina. They usually have a stalk with you can trim right down. This way your vulva gives the illusion that there’s nothing up there. You’ll feel clean and confident and can enjoy all external sex acts (perhaps some oral?) thoroughly.
They take a bit of getting used to, but once you do you’ll never look back.
5. Fancy some Anal?
This one I actually stole from an old lover. We were in a big group playing the drinking game “I never” and of course, as this game often goes, it got on to “I’ve never had anal sex!” (to be honest, I reckon all I never is a veiled attempt to find out what other people are doing in bed). My friend shot her drink back then drunkenly slurred “Yes! Once a month!”
It’s not something I personally feel like doing while I’m on my period, but if it’s your forté then by all means, go for it! Perhaps taking your attention away from your vagina will give you some relief. This could also be a good one to try if your partner can’t handle period blood but you both enjoy anal sex. However, I would only ever encourage this if you really enjoy anal play. Don’t ever do it because you think your partner needs to penetrate you to have a good time sexually. I’m here to encourage YOU the menstruator, to get you some! Not offering advice about how you can pleasure your partner while your on your period.
6. Get it on in the Shower!
Finally, the easiest way to keep everything clean and worry free is to get steamy in the bathroom. Self cleaning and easy! This is a good starter one for a partner who’s unsure about how they’ll cope with the flow. You can reassure them that everything will stay clean (and sexy), and if they’re worried at all you can wash instantly! Hurrah! I love the occasional shower orgasm, and often take a couple of toys in with me.
Make sure you play safe, grab bars are useful to hang on to, and silicone-based lube won’t get washed away. Most importantly, enjoy yourself; if it’s uncomfortable or not working don’t force it. Change it up, or just enjoy playing naked with each other.
Another great thing about shower sex during your period is all that hot water is relaxing. I often find my muscles get really tense during my time of the month, and the hot water really helps to ease them. I recommend getting your partner to massage your back and shoulders while under the warm water as a sensual prelude to sex. Or just as a loving act in itself, it can really help to reduce the tension that can come with menstruation.
So there you have it! Hopefully this has given you a few ideas how to enjoy sex when you’re on. Remember: your body is amazing, nothing about your womb is disgusting, and don’t let it stop you getting sexy.