This one is for the internet searchers who stumble upon my blog whilst searching for things like “love egg vibrator for anal”. Yes, I see your search terms and I am worried about you. I know, there are so many fantastic looking sex toys out there, and you just want to put them all up your butt. Don’t though. Only put a sex toy up your butt if it has a flared base or handle that can remain outside your body. The last thing you want or need is a trip to the hospital because you lost a sex toy up your butt. Here’s a few toys you shouldn’t put up there.

1. Love Egg Vibrators / Kegel Balls

These little egg shaped vibes are designed for vaginal use. The vagina, unlike the anus, has a definitive end in the cervix, which it would be very difficult for toys to pass. Sure, you might look at the little egg pictured (which is the mantric remote control love egg, incase you were wondering) and think “that’s got a loop at the end, that’ll definitely be fine up my butt!”. Nope. That finger loop is squishy and your butt could easily suck it in while you’re innocently trying to change the vibration mode. Think of a love egg like a giant sperm, waiting a ready to swim up into your large intestines when you least expect it! Then buy a vibrating butt plug instead.

2. Bullet Vibrators

I know, we’ve all done it; feeling a bullet vibe send lovely sensations through our perineum and ass hole and thought, hey I wonder what this powerful little vibe would do inside my butt? Don’t try it though. You’d think you’d be able to hang on to it, but the minute you push it inside those lubey fingers would slip and whoops! You’d never see it again. A bullet vibe is probably the easiest  of all sex toys to loose up your butt, so keep them for external play only. Instead, find a petite tapered vibrating butt plug, like the we-vibe ditto. 

3. Classic Vibrators

That vibe looks pretty awesome, ey? It’s smooth and sleek and powerful (it’s the Lovehoney x Tokidoki girl power vibe, for you information). You know what it’s not for? That’s right, sticking up your butt! Any vibrator without a flared base (or rabbit ears) could slip up there and disappear before you know it. You’d be there, enjoying some good vibrations, getting into a pleasurable rhythm, and whoops, you thrust too enthusiastically and off the vibe goes, buzzing it’s way to freedom! Give these sleek vibrators a miss and try a rabbit vibe instead, as long as it is made from silicone, has a good handle to hold on to, and you keep the bunny ears external (they made for lovely perineum stimulators).

4. Magic Wand Vibrators

This one I am less worried about you loosing it up your butt as I am you damaging yourself and a very expensive sex toy. Heads on standard sized wand vibrators are hefty, and the vibrations monstrous on the higher settings. They also tend to be flat under the head. My worry is that once you get it up your butt and your sphincter closes around the neck, it’ll be very difficult to remove it, and you could damage the wand in the process. Magic wands just aren’t built to be put in any orifice. If you crave all that power up your butt, look for an extra powerful prostate massager instead.

5. Dildos without bases

You get the theme here; if it doesn’t have a base, don’t stick it in your butt! There are plenty of lovely anal suitable dildos, with suction cup bases or large flared handles. You simply do not need to put a dildo without a base up your butt. Even if you’re convinced you can hold on to it, you never know what will happen in the heat of the moment!

Don’t for a second think I am anti- sticking things up your butt. I want you to put stuff up your butt, if you feel so inclined. I just also want you to be safe about it. Look for large flared bases and body safe materials (silicone, glass, ABS plastic, stainless steel) when you purchase an anal toy. The base needs to be noticeably wider than the widest part of the toy. Play safe!