I’ve got Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS, for some background see this post). I’ve only had an official diagnosis of PCOS for 4 months now. The symptoms have been around since I hit puberty; excessive body and facial hair, irregular and often absent periods, really high sex drive. That last one is important to me. My sex drive. It has shaped my personality and life. It is such a big part of me I don’t know who I am without it. But I’m about to find out.

I want to have a baby (for some background on that have a read of this and this). The doctor who diagnosed me with PCOS told me I was obese and needed to lose weight before I could get pregnant. She told me that with weight loss my PCOS symptoms could decrease. She told me I couldn’t eat any carbs or sugars, because they would make me fat. She said some diet plans say I can eat carbs, but I shouldn’t listen to them because my body is different, and I can’t eat carbs.

So like a good patient, and someone who is serious about this whole conception thing, I dutifully started my diet. I haven’t eaten any high carb or sugary food since. I have steadily lost 1 stone and 10 pounds (24lb). I need to lose another 9lbs before I enter my “healthy weight” range. This isn’t a reach your goal and then you’re free to enjoy yourself situation though. With a really high risk of type 2 diabetes, this is supposed to be a lifestyle change that I keep up FOREVER.

At first, I was optimistic. I adjusted to the diet, I had more energy, I had two 28 day cycles and I was feeling good. But then things went down hill. I completely lost my sex drive. I just wasn’t interested in sex or much masturbation. Being a supposed sex blogger, I began to feel like a fraud. Sex and masturabtion are major stress relievers for me, and without them I began to feel more irritated and less motivated. My energy levels dropped right back down and I was feeling as bad as I did pre-diet.

I took it all within my stride because my periods had stopped again. I thought, ahah, I must be pregnant. I’m really fatigued because I’m pregnant. My sex drive has gone because I’m pregnant. I’m more hungry because I’m pregnant. I’m struggling to get out of bed and feeling a bit sick in the morning because I’m pregnant.  You get the idea.

After ten weeks of this nonsense (and a load of negative pregnancy tests), my period finally started again. Ten weeks is long, even for me. After that initial period ( which was two weeks long), another 5 weeks passed before the next period. That’s not too bad and closer to a “normal” 28 days than the previous one. However, I’m now on day 28 of that period, with no signs of the bleeding stopping anytime soon.  My PCOS does not seem to be improving in a way that will help with conception.

So far, my diet hasn’t improved my mood (I feel frequently depressed, as I did pre-diet), it hasn’t improved my cycle (10 weeks! That’s a god damn 70 day menstruation cycle) and I’m as hairy as ever. It has, however, destroyed the one good side affect of having PCOS; my insatiable sexual desire. And I want it back.